Applebee's On the Edge of Forever

Sally was a woman with many theories, one of which was the belief that taking a road trip with someone would ultimately reveal that person's true nature. She had used it as a compatibility test in several key relationships in her life. A part of her would always regret not heeding the results of a road trip with Brent, her ex-husband, when they were still dating. She was determined to not make that mistake with Gerald.

There were several key factors to this theory, the most important, Sally believed, being that when two people spent time in a confined environment with little external distraction, they would eventually exhaust polite conversation and move into the open waters of character-revealing ideals and strange philosophies. And many times, rather than waiting for her unwitting test subjects to expose their closeted skeletons and red flags, Sally wanted to see how they would respond to hers.

To this effect, it was midway through a return road trip from Cincinnati when Sally told Gerald that she believed that all paranormal phenomena was the result of human beings mating with aliens from outer space.

"Think about it," Sally said. "Ghosts have humanoid faces and earthly agendas, but they aren't shaped like humans."

"Okay..." Gerald said, his voice getting a little quiet.

"Plus, they can make themselves invisible and fly around," Sally continued. "They also have an unearthly greenish glow."

"This sounds like you're basing a lot of this on that one ghost from Ghostbusters." Gerald said.

"That old onion-headed Slimer?" she replied, and then after a moment of thought. "Well, Dan Aykroyd didn't get that idea from just nowhere."

They had been dating for eight months when Sally decided to give Gerald the travel test during a trip to see her parents, whom he had only met once before. Their prior meeting was somewhat embarrassing for everyone involved, as Gerald happened to bump into both of Sally's parents as he was leaving her apartment early one morning. Yet despite that awkward first impression, they all had gotten along fine and the visit was deemed successful. Sally viewed the return drive home as her last opportunity for lightning rounds and bonus points before the final tabulation of results.

"Wait, invisible?" Gerald said. "Aliens aren't invisible."

"What about the predators from those predator movies?" Sally said.

"You mean Predator?" Gerald said. "And Predator 2?" Sally knew that, if he weren't driving, Gerald would have crossed his eyes for added effect.

"Exactly. You see, it's not a bad theory."

"Right," he said. "So, when exactly are the aliens sexing up all these humans?"

Gerald and Sally were still a few hours from getting back to Sally's apartment, but they had decided to make the return trip in a single day. Due to the time of night and their being between major towns, the road was largely deserted. On the side of the interstate, a road sign advertised food options for the next exit. Only one logo was present.

"Hey, Applebee's!" Sally said. "Mind if we stop?"

"Applebee's?" Gerald said, his voice verging on dismissive. "We had so many more options back in Brewsterville. I could turn back."

"I want a margarita and we're gonna share a bloomin' onion," Sally said. "It's why you love me and it's why we're going to Applebee's."

Gerald shook his head, but smiled as he slowed down and veered toward the off-ramp. At the top, another road sign displayed the logo, with an arrow pointing to the right beneath it.

"Oh, you were asking about when the aliens mate with humans," Sally said. Gerald made the turn onto a small desert road and continued to drive.

"Yeah, that's unclear."

"On their spaceships," she stated. "It's not a usual occurrence. I'm not saying it happens everyday. And I'm not saying all ghost sightings are real either - some jerks are flat out lying about that stuff. But the ones that are telling the truth are actually seeing human/alien hybrids."

"You mean ghosts?"

"Exactly."

"Well, why don't we ever hear about humans giving birth to ghosts? It would be happening in hospitals all over the world."

The desert road stretched on in darkness. There were no buildings visible to the side, but the car's headlights were only supplemented by streetlights about every two hundred feet. Still, they passed by no driveways, mailboxes, or other such signs of life.

"The aliens have the ghosts," Sally said.

"Oh, the aliens have the ghosts. Never the humans, even when they abduct women?"

"Yes, it doesn't matter." Sally was laughing now. "The aliens always get pregnant with the ghosts. It's a special power they have."

"This is getting weird."

"No, it's not. It all makes perfect sense." She was still laughing.

"No, not the...I mean where is this place? There's not an Applebee's out this far, right? They're usually right next to the interstate."

"Oh," Sally said, looking around. "Yeah, did we pass it?"

"Maybe. I'll give it another couple of minutes, then I'll turn around."

They drove in silence for a moment. Sally stared out the passenger side window into the void of night. Clicks and thuds from the road's surface reverberated through the floor of the car.

A moment went by and Gerald finally added, "And how would ghost babies grow to be full sized ghosts anyway?"

"Well, yeah, "Sally replied. "The ghosts aren't babies. They come out fully grown. And scary as hell!"

"Like the Ark of the Covenant from the end of Indiana Jones?" said Greg.

"Exactly like the Ark of the Covenant from the end of Indiana Jones!" said Sally.

They both laughed. Ahead, a bright oasis of parking lot lights emerged and soon the Applebee's sign was visible.

"Niiice," Gerald said. "And you were worried."

"Never," Sally said. "Nobody's gonna take away my bloomin' onion."

Gerald pulled the car into the parking lot, which was mostly empty. A trio of cars occupied the row closest to the entrance, and a dusty pickup truck was parked on the side of the building.

"Well, we'll see if this place is even open," he said. "These cars could be just the kitchen staff and servers. They could be closing up now."

"No way," Sally said, pointing to the time. "It's not even 10 o'clock."

"We'll see..."

Gerald parked the car and they began to walk toward the entrance. There was a constant gust of wind that they hadn't noticed when they were still inside of the car. Overhead, a billion stars shone bright, each of them brimming with the possibility of extraterrestrial life on distant planets throughout the universe.

Sally decided that Gerald deserved an 'A minus' for the road trip test, a 'B plus' at the very least. He had batted down her ghost theory, but here they were at Applebee's, just for her.

"And good luck getting a bloomin' onion," Gerald said as he slipped his arm around Sally's waist. "Those are only at Outback."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I know what you mean." Gerald said as he stopped walking and quickly kissed Sally. "Baby alien ghosts." He flung open the door to Applebee's and she giggled as they walked inside.