Perfection in the Lights

Listen up: your "girlfriend" is horrible to you. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but apparently at some point she decided that you were less important to her than her fans; her stupid, drooling, hideous fans. Maybe the quality of her fans would be better if she were more talented, but for now they are figurative morons for her literally moronic music.

Remember when you told me that her lyrics were criminally simplistic? And I said that was why you two were good for each other, because I didn't understand her lyrics and then I said maybe I was just above both of you guys? Well, I should have said something else.

Look: by the time that me and your Dad saw what kind of danger you were in, you had already pushed us out of your life. I guess we deserved it. We might not have had your best interests at heart when we tried to get you to do that movie sequel. But admit it, you were on a bad slide and it's only gotten worse. Now when we see you on the tabloid shows, it's like seeing a stranger making bad choices - not that your Dad would do it any differently, but I think that I would.

Anyway, me and some of the guys are starting a band and we want you to join. Right now we call ourselves Reverse Kick Carpet, but we're open to other suggestions. If you're not too busy quietly sitting in the lobby of your "girlfriend's" recording studio or holding down the furniture in her tour bus, please give me or your Dad a call. (He's not in the band, but he knows some people in the business.)

I hope you get this message and I hope you're still not mad that I told you about your "girlfriend" fucking your Dad. I'm still pretty sure they did, but I guess now I understand why you probably didn't want to hear about it. Anyway, he still denies it to this day and I don't think he has any reason lie about it anymore.

Also, the producers from that movie sequel have asked me to do a rewrite and I want to know if I can use some of your ideas that you had after reading the script. They're a great bunch of guys and I don't want to deny them a quality story. Don't tell your Dad about it though if you happen to talk to him - they kicked him off the project after you left and he doesn't know that I'm still involved.